I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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