"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
