Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Sober January is a disaster.
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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