you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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