finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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