I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
