Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
They have beer where we have blood.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Randomize
