You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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