You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Randomize
