drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize