she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
