I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
