Me. At least after what I've been through.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
