you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
im on a boat
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