I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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