you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
