You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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