I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
should my penis look like a turkey
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
