It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
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