i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
