I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
