before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
