fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
