It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
So much Jack, so little girl.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Randomize
