Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
