Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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