I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
