I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
