Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
