I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
