Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
