either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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