i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
