I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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