It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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