its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
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