I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
