The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
