I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
