Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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