so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
