I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Congratulations! We have a period
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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