So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
