??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
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