Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
