I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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