does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize