he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
