im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
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