the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
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