People in love make me want to vomit
it hurts more in the daytime
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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