You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
You're breaking my sexual little heart
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
