Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
