I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
