Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
false alarm, still single
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