We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
We just shotgunned beers for America
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize