Who did Billy Mays play for?
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
That was before I lit my hair on fire
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