I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
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