the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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