cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
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