oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
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