Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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