I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
