oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
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