One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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