Kiss
Puke
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
