My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
