I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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