I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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