Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Every concussion has its silver lining
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
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