Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
