i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
