this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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