True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
